The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
