Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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