You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
