Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
