So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
