Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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