Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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