and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
