yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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