32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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