If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
