You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
