peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
