We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
