we're chasing vodka with high fives
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
