I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
