Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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