Pregnant stripper...not hot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
