My nipple is on Facebook.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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