well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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