im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
