All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
