She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
