All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
