If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
