I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
