sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she smelled like a LAN party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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