Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
