you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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