I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
