Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
