May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
