Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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