I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
