yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize