Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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