piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
