It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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