i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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