That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
