Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
