You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im holly from the hills drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
