I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
