I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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