Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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