come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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