What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
