I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize