There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
