Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
