there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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