Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
