someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
