hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
