i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
