these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
