My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
