I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
