I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
