how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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