my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
