Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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