What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
