also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
