hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
