Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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