My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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