Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize