Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
