he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize