Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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